Experiment #2: Green beans and mushrooms in black bean sauce

Sigh. This was yet another near-failure, but we managed to eat dinner that night, so it was OK.

Here were the major issues:
1. I couldn't find fermented black beans at HMart. I wandered that store forever and couldn't find any black beans labeled "fermented" or "salted." I found the aisle where such items were likely kept—it was filled with dried beans and vegetables of many varieties—but none seemed to fit the description. I ended up buying the closest thing I could find to a photo I saw of a package of fermented beans: a bag of Choripdong dried black beans that simply said, "BLACK BEANS INSIDE GREEN." No idea what this means. For the rest of the day an angry Asian lady shrieked "BLACK BEANS INSIDE GREEN!" in my head in a thick accent.

2. The wok, or maybe stir-fry pan, we have is very small. I think it's meant to make one (small) serving of stir-fry at a time. I don't know what its actual function is; John had it when we started dating. Anyway, the thing's freakin' tiny, and was hard to cook in.

So, with these two problems duly noted, here's what happened.

I was feeling good while chopping up my green beans and shiitake shrooms. I like both of these items, so I was looking forward to what I thought would be a pretty manageable and delicious recipe, courtesy again of Gordon Ramsay. Everything went along fine until I actually started cooking. The pan was so small that I had to cook one meal at a time—not a big deal for just two people, right? I halved the recipes for the sauce and set to work, dropping my little "fermented black beans" into the pan.

Ha. Hahaha. These were not fermented black beans. These were just regular dried black beans. I didn't know it at first, though. I've never seen or used a fermented black bean in my life. I just kind of puzzled over the fact that they were sitting there, not doing much. No interesting scents or luscious juices were released in the cooking oil. They just... sizzled. Eventually I realized that I'd fucked up, again.

No matter. It was dinner time. I plowed ahead with the recipe, making two helpings of what turned out to be a bean-and-mushroom stir-fry with brown rice on the side. I also added these little, frozen "leek pies" that I found at HMart. (The bag the pies came in was tied with a lovely red ribbon. As I untied it, I thought of the factory worker in China who'd tied the ribbon. What would he or she think if they could see me, a spoiled American girl, eating the pies with her horribly prepared version of their national cuisine?)

It was a healthy dinner to be sure, but probably not what Ramsay had in mind. Again I imagined a red-faced Ramsay screaming, "YOU FUCKING DONKAAY!" and throwing my shitty meal in the garbage.

The stir-fry tasted good enough, reminiscent of the easy stir-frys my mom used to make when I was young. The green beans didn't quite cook through all the way, which was sad. It was probably something stupid that I did, but I'll blame it on the tiny wok. The black beans just got really hard and did nothing. I never did see the INSIDE GREEN. Next time, in the absence of fermented beans, I'd make a simple stir-fry using the same sauce recipe, easing up a little on the wine and vinegar. Also, I'd use just a regular skillet instead of the stupid baby wok.

If there's one thing I'm learning from my Chinese month, it's that Chinese food can be very forgiving. If you mess something up a little, it's not going to turn your meal into a vile disaster. It'll just be kind of... off.

(Also, looking at the recipe again, I'm realizing that they did have the beans I needed: Fermented black soybeans, not regular black beans. I am bad at this.)

Gordon Ramsay's green beans and mushrooms in black bean sauce
14 oz. green beans, trimmed
8 oz. shiitake mushrooms
2 Tbsp vegetable or peanut oil
1 Tbsp fermented black beans, rinsed and dried
2 large garlic cloves, peeled and chopped

Sauce
2 Tbsp Chinese rice vinegar
2 Tbsp Shaoxing
2 Tbsp light soy sauce
1 Tbsp oyster sauce
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp cornstarch, mixed with t Tbsp water

Cut green beans into finger lengths and finely slice mushrooms. Mix together sauce ingredients and set aside. Heat the oil in a wok over medium-high heat. Tip in the black beans and garlic and saute for 30 seconds or so, until fragrant. Add the green beans with a little splash of water. Stir-fry for 2 minutes, then add mushrooms. Stir-fry for another minute or two.

Pour the sauce over the vegetables and toss well. Simmer for a couple of minutes until the sauce begins to thicken and the green beans are tender but still retain a slight crunch. Transfer to a warm plate and serve.

Recipe: 5/5
My performance: 3/5

Experiment #1: Pork (and shrimp) dumplings

This was a near disaster. The result ended up being edible, though, so we can't count it as a total failure. Yippee.

Dear Gordon warned me in the intro to this recipe that dumpling-making takes "patience, time, and practice." I understood this, but I was in a mood to keep my hands busy, so I thought I'd reach for the stars on my first recipe adventure. It was probably not a great idea, as I ended up in the kitchen for about three hours, with a pretty lame payoff. My idea was to make the dumplings as an appetizer, and then do the planned green-bean-and-mushroom dish as the main course. Ha! I am not quite there yet, shall we say, when it comes to Chinese chow.

It started simply enough with the dough. However, as I mixed the initial ingredients around, the dough seemed impossibly dry. It was not coming together at all, instead forming discrete lumps and bumps, with lots of loose flour. So I started adding water, thinking that the arid Colorado climate accounted for the dry dough.

I ended up adding about double the amount of water. This was not good -- I think I should have added more oil to counter the H2O, because the dough became totally sticky. Kneading the dough was almost futile, since it just stuck impossibly to my fingers and any part of the counter that wasn't heavily floured. Very frustrating.

The pork, cabbage and their seasonings came together nicely. (I didn't add shrimp, because my husband is allergic.) I was still feeling optimistic at this point, especially after I cooked a little ball of dumpling filling and it tasted pretty fantastic. It was interesting to see at last where those signature Chinese flavors come from. And so, I set about rolling the dough and cutting it into slices, to be turned into dumplings.

And this is where it got ugly. The gluey dough was almost impossible to straighten out and fill. I'd take a slice, squash it with my hand to make a fillable circle, and it'd immediately begin to retract, almost like it was reshaping itself. I couldn't make the circle thin, or it'd stick to the (heavily floured!) table and fall apart when trying to remove it. So I was left with these irritating, thick rounds of dough that were nearly impossible to fill and shape effectively.

I did my best, though, and boiled a couple batches of filled dumplings in light chicken broth. I got a fairly good technique going near the end: squashing and spreading the dough lumps on my right palm, then gently adding filling and folding the edges together. My body heat seemed to make the dough just a little more pliant, though I was still kinda screwed on the thickness, as my hands are small.

And thus, I was left with maybe 10-15 chunky dumplings. I used WAY too much dough per dumpling, so they looked pretty mutated, like boiled pig's ears or something. There was filling mix left over, too, a sure sign that I'd messed up, big time. It's a good thing Chef Ramsay didn't see this performance, or I would have ended up with burst eardrums and probably a knife wound or two.

Nonetheless, I was starving, and so we ate them standing in the kitchen. The dumplings tasted just fine -- quite good, even -- once you picked off the big, extraneous chunks of boiled dough and got to the tasty bits. Husband John whipped up Ramsay's suggested dipping sauce, too, substituting Sriracha sauce for chili oil, since we didn't have any.

It was a disappointing dinner, for sure, but I'm glad I tried it. Somehow, my dumpling-making mojo wasn't totally destroyed, so perhaps I'll give it another go at a later date (ie, when I'm not hungry and am feeling very patient with myself).

Recipe: 4/5
My performance: 2/5


Gordon Ramsay's pork and shrimp dumplings
Dough:
2-1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp fine sea salt
1 Tbsp vegetable oil
1/2-2/3 cup water

Filling:
7 oz. Chinese cabbage leaves (I used savoy cabbage)
sea salt and white pepper (I used cayenne)
9 oz. ground pork (I used more to account for the missing:)
7 oz. raw shrimp
1-1/4 inch piece of gingerroot, peeled and grated
1 tsp soft light brown sugar
2 Tbsp light soy sauce
1 Tbsp Chinese rice wine
2 tsp sesame oil

Sauce:
2 Tbsp red chili oil
1 Tbsp light soy sauce
1 large garlic clove, minced
1 green onion, green part only, finely sliced

Mix flour and salt in large bowl, making a well in the center. Add oil and water. Mix with round-bladed knife until mixture starts to come together as firm dough. Add more water if too dry. Knead the dough on lightly floured counter for 5-10 minutes until silky. Shape into a ball, wrap in plastic wrap, let rest while making filling.

Cook cabbage leaves in pan of boiling salted water for 2-3 minutes, until just wilted. Drain well and pat dry on paper towels. Mince leaves and place in large bowl. Add remaining filling ingredients and mix well. Test the seasoning by cooking a small ball in a an oiled pan.

Roll out the dough and shape dumplings: Roll dough into a long, 1-in thick sausage, cut into 3/4-inch lengths. Flatten each piece with palm of hand into a thin circle approximately 3-1/2 inches in diameter. Add 1 to 1-1/2 tsp of filling to center of circle. Brush edges with a little water. Fold sides up to create a half-moon shape. Make small pleats with fingertips.

Steam in bamboo steamer lined with parchment for 7-10 minutes until just cooked through, or poach in light stock for 5 minutes.

Experiment #1: Preliminary thoughts

So, the first Official Chinese recipe I'm attempting is green beans and mushrooms in black bean sauce, from Gordon Ramsay's "World Kitchen" cookbook. I got it for Christmas from my husband, so it seems appropriate to break it in now.

Unable to find many ingredients at the nearest Whole Foods, I trekked out to Aurora to visit HMart, the massive Asian supermarket. As expected, everything I needed was there. I had to pick up a lot of basics; I'm sure I looked like a rank amateur to anyone paying attention. I can already tell that I got the wrong black beans -- the recipe calls for "fermented black beans" or "salted black beans," which are apparently dried. The ones I got are in a jar and quite wet.

After I take the dog out I'm going to begin the experiment. I've decided to push myself a little and do Ramsay's recipe for pork dumplings, too, despite my lack of a bamboo steamer. This is Day 3 of my non-drinking, non-smoking month and cravings are strong. I need to keep my hands busy or else I will KILL KILL KILL.

Here we go.

I'm a fairly lazy person who's never formally learned to cook anything, aside from a few standards. (Toast, eggs?) However, I'm a very active eater with a lot of opinions on the matter. In an effort to form more well-rounded opinions, I'm going to try cooking foods from around the world, one month at a time.

I'm starting with Chinese cooking, one of the oldest -- maybe the oldest -- codified cooking style in the world. Since this is, for me, a pretty basic overview of cooking techniques, I probably won't delve too much into the various regions and long history of Chinese cuisine. I will, however, try to keep it authentic. American Chinese food kind of grosses me out anyway.

Another reason I chose Chinese chow is because I'm trying to take a month off drinking, and French food, the other major classic, would be counterproductive in that regard. I must drink wine with French food. Chinese? Eh, tea's OK. (Beer would probably be nice, though ... expect a lot of bitching about this to come.)

For my first recipe, I think I'll try Gordon Ramsay's recipe for green beans and mushrooms in black bean sauce. More later, after my first trip to the grocery store.